Sounds fun, right? Going on a guided outdoor trip. When you’re ready, here are some tips on what to expect from a guide. Patient guide men and women have been on a few trips that didn’t go well.
First, follow the packing list. Don’t leave your rain gear at home just because your brother says it never rains in the desert. If it’s 100 degrees in the shade at home and the list recommends a down parka, bring it. It can and will snow at 10,000 feet, even in the middle of summer.
If your guide goes through your backpack and removes excess items, reducing the weight from 40 pounds to 20 pounds, do not put back what you discarded.
If food is being served, you’ll be given a form to fill out to list any preferences or allergies. Obviously, you should let the chef know if peanuts put you in a coma, but if you don’t eat spinach or chard, be sure to let them know too.
If you are on a strict diet for philosophical reasons (meat is murder!) or a fad diet (carbs are suicide!), keep it to yourself. A peculiarity of the inhabitants of developed countries: we define ourselves by what we refuse to eat.
If your guide tells you not to go past the zigzags on the Burr Trail in Utah, don’t go past the zigzags on the Burr Trail. If your guide tells you to “drink some water,” drink some water.
Be honest about your medical history. Don’t arrive at the campsite on the first day and tell them you have diabetes and didn’t mention anything beforehand because you were worried they wouldn’t let you join the trip.
Don’t lie about your physical abilities. Even if you tell yourself it will take you six months to get in shape, you know what the road to hell is like. Walking the dog twice a day instead of once is not strenuous exercise.
Let’s be realistic. On the first morning of our five-day mountain bike tour, one of our participants told us he had never ridden a bike in his life. We spent the entire first day teaching him how to ride and tailoring the itinerary to his needs.
Do not stop taking your medication. Medication can have side effects. Stopping long-term medication can also have side effects. I didn’t realize that stopping antidepressants can cause severe irritability until a hiker who wasn’t taking his medication grabbed his pack and walked away angrily.
Don’t be selfish. I went on a river trip and then cancelled an entire day hike because someone angrily called it a “waste of time” and would rather spend it on the beach sipping Mai Tais.
Don’t be silly. One morning, while I was busy preparing lunch and cutting a bagel in half, a self-described epicurean brazenly told me not to touch his bagel. “You should cut a bagel just before you’re going to eat it.”
As everyone started demanding that I stop messing with the bagel, a senior leader interjected, “That bagel has been bouncing around in the pack for three days! Give me a break!”
Use your go-to gear, try out that new bike, pitch a tent and inflate an air mattress, put the suggested gear in a backpack and maybe even ditch that hardback book.
Female guides are just as competent as their male counterparts, so please don’t “mansplain” to them or tell them how great they look carrying the equipment and rowing the boat.
Your guide will not break any laws for you. In fire-free areas, your guide will not start a fire, even if you promise not to.
Every company advertises their knowledgeable guides, but I’ve heard some strange “facts” from outdoor companies: Spoiler alert: The rocks of the Grand Canyon are red not because they’re covered in dust from Sedona, Arizona, and they don’t attract lightning.
If you want a truly educational trip, choose a trip offered by a nonprofit organization.
Even guided trips can be frustrating – days of rain, heavy winds that make pitching tents difficult, blisters and all – but if you’re willing to put up with a few challenges, being outdoors can lead to new friendships and a more relaxed approach to adventure.
Maybe it will be a once in a lifetime trip.
Marjorie “Slim” Woodruff is a Writers on the Range contributor. Writer Son The RangeShe works as an educator at the base of the Grand Canyon.